They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
