and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Drake has all the answers
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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