Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
