yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize