I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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