is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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