woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
