Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
