Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
