What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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