A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
