Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
