Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
