It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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