Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
