After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
