Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
