I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I puked a lego.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
