I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
