Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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