Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
