Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
