im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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