just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
