You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
