i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
