Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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