and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
