it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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