Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
