The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
