I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
