so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
