You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
