Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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