he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
