haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
