i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
