Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you traded sex for a burrito?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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