it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
