before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
