the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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