She is in my trunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
