one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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