Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
