Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
