Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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