Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
