Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
