so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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