I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
