Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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