Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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