I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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