her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
