How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
