So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
