I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
