can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
