Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
40s are totally the cure
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
