When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
