Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
