I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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