So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Farmville is her only friend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
