If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
