Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
