This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
