At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
