I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
