my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
