Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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