At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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