I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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