Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How's work?
Spinning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
