you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
