I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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