PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
