A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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