idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
