I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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