she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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