I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize