i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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