Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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