Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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