I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
