they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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