maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
