I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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