pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dicks are not precious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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