i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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