sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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