No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
