A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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