So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
