Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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