Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize