You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
