Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
