Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
