theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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