I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize