i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize