I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
