marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
