You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize