Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
