if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
