I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
