Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
