I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize