Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize