That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
